Diary of a Devoushka

Dear Padrooga,

noreply@blogger.com (Elena) — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 14:28:00 +0000

He did it. Misha got married. Took that post-evil-teen aged devoushka down to the Wedding Palace and did it. My friend told me only a couple of his male friends showed up and no one was there from her family. Who knows where she is from?

I am recovering well. I have purchased some wonderful new fall shoes at a store near Kreshatik Metro. Polnie Fashion. I also splurged on some earrings, plenty of bath toiletries as well as new make up. I bought a new fall coat and am looking at heavier coats. I picked up a few things at Grand Gallery as well. This month I am dedicated to making myself feel great.

I met Masha and Zhenia at Coffee House and we discussed ways for me to get over Misha.

I am on my way to being better and I promise to update my blog more regularly and try to get some photos of devoushki on Kreshatik.

Dear Padrooga,

noreply@blogger.com (Elena) — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 15:01:00 +0000

I am officially back in Kyiv!

I spent most of September in Yalta with my mother and it was wonderful. I love the fresh air there. I felt invigorated and ready to take on life. Zhenya and I were on the phone to each other constantly and Misha also called frequently.

I returned home to Kyiv and Misha gave me the shock of my life. He is getting married to a twenty year old girl that I don't even know! Now we know why he has been moody with me for the past few months. Darling the shock of it all shook my system so much that my mother packed me off to England to stay with my Aunt. I had to get out of Kyiv. I had no idea he was even meeting with another girl! He gave no indication at all. Suddenly he is just engaged and says he will be married soon. He doesn't know the date and appears to be absolutely unconcerned whether it will even happen or not.

And the most shocking part of the whole thing is he still wants to keep seeing me. Never made an attempt to introduce me or talked about introducing me to this post-evil teenage devoushka and then tells me it will be completely normal for us to continue meeting like we always have in the past! I told him to go to H*&% and have not called him since!

This has really shocked me down to my stilettos and I really am having a hard time being a cool devoushka. Please send advice.

Love,
Elena

Dear Padrooga,

noreply@blogger.com (Elena) — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 12:31:00 +0000

I am packing my bags and will be off to Yalta tomorrow with Mama. I have to say that I don't want to go! I don't want to go to Yalta! What is WRONG with me? I can't breath a word to Mama that I would rather stay in Kyiv and spend time with Zhenya. She will be very upset.

Zhenya got us a special mobile phone package and we can call each other for free now. In Kyiv that's serious business. Now we are calling each other every day and ask each other things that would be very banal to anyone else.

When I told Misha I changed my mobile phone number he had a fit. I think he suspects something is up. He is brooding now.

I am loosing my cool devoushka edge and falling in love. Send advice quick!

Love,
Elena

Russian Devoushki Photos

noreply@blogger.com (Elena) — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 12:26:00 +0000

Travels of Stacey features a post with photos of Russian devoushki. The photo spread even includes a shot of a hole made in the asphalt by a stiletto heel. (I do think the shots of the street toilets belong in a separate post......One should never mix devoushki and toilet photos together.)

Is HRH the Duchess of Cornwall a Devoushka?

noreply@blogger.com (Elena) — Sun, 05 Aug 2007 13:56:00 +0000

In my "Is She A Devoushka?" posts, we shall take a look at famous women and discuss whether they are a devoushka or not.

Is HRH the Duchess of Cornwall a Devoushka?

If the rumors are true that she sounded out the then Lady Diana Spencer after her engagement to Prince Charles and tried to ascertain just how much horse riding Lady Diana planned on doing during her married life, then that of course might be considered a bit of devoushka daring on the part of Camilla. However true blue she has been to Prince Charles, and however she got him to admit that he wished he was her tampon, (Let's hope she advised him to tuck the strings in.) I think in the long run, it's a safer to say that Duchess Camilla is NOT a devoushka. A real devoushka would have landed Prince Charles the first time around and have gone for the real power behind the throne. Riding boots grace this Duchess' feet, not stilettos.

What do my readers think?

Remembering Anya

noreply@blogger.com (Elena) — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 10:55:00 +0000

In my sojourn to become a full fledged devoushka, (let me point out that the chromosome did not naturally develop in me, I had to be mentored) one of the most interesting devoushki I met was named Anya.

Anya had wild wavy hair and had so much devoushka attitude that it literally sat on her like an aura. One of my first experiences as a devoushka was listening to her conversation with another devoushka (in Russian of course) while she completely dissed her best padrooga's new foreign boyfriend, in front of him, without him understanding a word of what she was saying. Not having the 24th chromosome, I recognized that she WAS being completely rude as the other devoushka in question was also MY best padrooga and I would not diss my best padrooga's boyfriend EVER, even behind his back. Evil was creeping into Anya's heart. It was fascinating to listen to her speak with such confidence and outrage as she watched her best padrooga walk down the street holding her foreign boyfriend's hand. (Perhaps she was breaking some devoushka rule of being cold to the one you love most and was showing too much warmth to him too soon. I'm not clear on this rule.)

In the end, Anya went completely evil and lost her best padrooga and any potential friendship that I felt for her. But I do remember one great piece of advice she gave me about "choosing" in life. This advice pertained to choosing important things like men, clothes or coffee. "Once you find the best in life, why try anything else?"

Dear Padrooga,

noreply@blogger.com (Elena) — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 17:12:00 +0000

Well I finally was able to buy my new mobile phone! Zhenya came back from the Crimea and went straight from the train to his work so he was no help in the area of helping me pick one out. I only knew that I had a price, a need for a photo camera in it and a color......pink.

I stomped in my stilettos to several different places and had several young men with light fuzz on their upper lip try to explain to me what was the best for my price range and finally made a decision.

I left the store and headed immediately for Maidan to hunt down some devoushki. As I left the metro I found three Mach 12 devoushki standing together. Perfect specimens for my readers! As I fumbled in my purse, they began to walk away. Let me tell you, I was loosing my devoushka cool trying to get my mobilka out of my purse while following them and trying to keep the attitude. I immediately realized that it is really going to be a challenge to get photos of these creatures as since I am one myself, I felt rather idiotic trying to follow them and take photos. I fell into their trail of men that were looking at their bare assets and found that none of them were paying any attention to me whatsoever!

The devoushki headed into a store with the flock of men following them before I could get the phone started and figure out how to use the camera.

My next attempt was at the metro platform. It was a bit dark but there was another lovely specimen. Not exactly a real Mach 12, this one was a trashy devoushka. She had black, laced leggings and a tight top with a shiny gold belt. A rather too wondery wonder bra pushing up some ample cleavage but her crowning glory was her hair. A long, thick fall of platinum white hair that was so fake you could spot the plastic chemicals in it from a far distance.

Again, a stumble with the purse, panic at being caught making a photo of another devoushka. (Would people think I wanted to copy her style or something? No way!) I tried, I really did. She walked in the train and I took a photo. When I looked at the image, a large babushka dressed in black had moved in front of her. Failed again!

I was a bit disheartened but realized that I will need to practice making photos in the name of devoushka journalism.

noreply@blogger.com (Elena) — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 14:48:00 +0000

"Feminism is like any other 'ism,' communism, capitalism, fundamentalism.......In theory, they sound great, but in practice, they just don't work well. Better to go out and buy a new pair of shoes...."

--Quote from my Aunt Miraslava

Subtle Blog Shoving

noreply@blogger.com (Elena) — Sat, 21 Jul 2007 14:22:00 +0000

CarpetBlogger is ready to give up blogging on devoushki. Is she intimidated? Is it a devoushka blog showdown or simply a case of subtle devoushki blog shoving?

Darling you are not a devoushka if you give up this easily!

Devoushka Dictionary

noreply@blogger.com (Elena) — Sat, 21 Jul 2007 14:05:00 +0000

COOL DEVOUSHKA MORAL CODE: Cool devoushki have morals. It is up to them to keep the flag of good raised high in this hard world.

SUBTLE COMPETITION: Normal, healthy devoushki competition that happens on the playing field when the man, territory or situation is fair grounds for the taking.

EVIL DEVOUSHKA ATTACK: This is an all out overt attack on you by an evil devoushka. It is ugly. Only one walks away.

SUBTLE SHOVING: This is the shoving that goes on when an evil devoushka wants to come between you and someone or something you have. (This is not to be confused with the Power Boob Shove of a Babushka but this is probably how the boob shove started out.)

Devoushka Power

noreply@blogger.com (Elena) — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 14:18:00 +0000

I have been tagged by Little Miss Moi to list the eight most random things devoushki do to exert their devoushka power on the street.

Here's my random list. Remember this is random, like a train wreck with phosphorus spilling out, traveling to heated areas and bursting into random flames........

I can wear my crocheted lime green dress with daisy centers and large loop holes between the flowers so that you can see the two smallish obviously washed too many times and now gray triangles that almost cover my breasts and not even bother to cover my also washed too many times grayish underwear and you can't wear this dress power......(I apologize to my readers for not having my camera with me. This was an amazing act of devoushka power.)

I am wearing a thong and have three inches of assets to prove it power

I am wearing stilettos and am stomping my way to power

I don't see you, you don't exist because I am all so more cool than you power

Drop the purple, rhinestone glove and wait expectantly for the three nearest men in my vicinity to pick it up and hand it back to me power.

The power boob shove. Usually used by babushki on the metro. They are ex-devoushki who still want to use their devoushki power from the old days.

I have power to stop Kyiv traffic when I cross the street power.

Please turn all eyes on me power. (This power is usually used by devoushki while wearing their most flamboyant and stylish clothes and walking on the arm of their man of the moment down the center of Kreshatik.)

Devoushka Controversy

noreply@blogger.com (Elena) — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 13:43:00 +0000

There is quite the devoushka controversy going on over at Carpetblogger's blog site. There are rumors of nipples and tampon strings showing when they aren't supposed to. I do understand a Western woman's shock and confusion when bumping into the rat race of devoushki, but we must understand that it takes all kinds of devoushki to make up the slavic world and there are as many different kinds of devoushki as there are styles. We must endeavor not to just wear a skimpy skirt, but to do it with panache and class, and for God's sakes girls be sure the string is tucked in before you hit Kreshatik! Go for the gold girls!

Dear Padrooga,

noreply@blogger.com (Elena) — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 12:03:00 +0000

Darling this blog is going to be a lot of work! I miss you and am grateful for the time you took in mentoring me so that I would become a REAL devoushka and not some wanna be devoushka. I am trying to share this knowledge to the world so that they understand who we are.

Zhenya is off to Crimea for a vacation. I know he works hard all year and deserves this time of fun and sun but I am very jealous and sad that he left me here in the sweltering city. It is nearly 40C here and the pavement is melting. I have to be careful my stilettos don't stick in the pavement when it gets this hot. I called him and he told me that if I want to go swimming, I have the Dnieper! He is going to be sorry when I take my vacation in Yalta next month! I will not call him except to tell him about the marvelous time I will be having. I will tell him to go swim in the Dnieper.

I am miserable without him and I am afraid I am lovesick. Not even the thought of seeing Misha cheers me up.

Kisses,
Elena

Devoushka Apparel Questions

noreply@blogger.com (Elena) — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 12:55:00 +0000

Mind the Gap has asked us about stilettos and short skirts and if these items are appropriate throughout the entire year. Of course they are! Stilettos are very useful to spike into the ice on the steep cobblestone streets of Kyiv. But be careful! It is an art to walk in these spiked heels on the ice and should not be tried by those who are not true devoushki! It takes years and years of work to apply the precise amount of pressure to keep one's self from slipping!

Short skirts are entirely appropriate in the winter time! Just make sure that you layer your clothes on top for extra warmth. Think like a figure skater! You are a champion and the cold blood flowing through your legs will warm up once it hits the upper body which should be wrapped up in an nice fur coat! A little cold wind on the legs is worth it if you get a chance to show them off! Why wait for spring?

Devoushka Dictionary

noreply@blogger.com (Elena) — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 12:48:00 +0000

Thus we begin our Devoushka dictionary.........terms we need to be familiar with!

"DEVOUSHKA PLAYING FIELD" : This is the field that you defend yourself on when another devoushka calls you to a devoushka duel. When a devoushka calls you to a duel you must defend your honor or lose face. If you lose face, your entire reputation as a devoushka could be destroyed forever..

"EVIL TEENAGE DEVOUSHKA" : This is a teenage girl who enters into devoushkahood somewhere between the ages of 12 and 18. The 24th chromosome develops and suddenly perfume, low cut blouses, and hair dying starts. This is when sexual posing begins. They are usually evil because they have not had good role modeling and in their stress to become a real devoushka, they rush around in a flurry trying to steal every one's boyfriends and making a mess of everyone's lives. Some never grow out of this behavior. Don't take them lightly. They have been known to steal 35 year old men from women, chew them up and spit them out bloodied. They can do a lot of damage and must be handled carefully. The evil ones have a nasty bite.

"DEVOUSHKA ASSETS" : Every devoushka knows that low self esteem is not an option in her self image. Therefore you figure out your best physical assets and show them off whether it's a good figure or lovely fingernails.

"COOL DEVOUSHKA": A woman who never looses her composure no matter what is going on around her and no matter who is stomping on her territory. This is not just superficial cool, this is coolness from the depths of a woman's soul. This is is the real deal.

"PADROOGA" : Russian for female friend. This is the devoushka's best friend. This is a rare find and she is a jewel. She is the type of woman who can flirt with your boyfriend and you won't be jealous because she would never steal him. She supports you unconditionally no matter what you go thru and gives you advice you can count on should you ever loose your "cool."

What is a Devoushka?

noreply@blogger.com (Elena) — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 15:00:00 +0000

In case you drop by and wonder what we are talking about on this blog and are not familiar with what a devoushka actually is, then this post will start you down the road to learning more about us........

What is a devoushka? Devoushka is Russian for "girl." But we are not talking about little girls with big bows in their hair ringing a bell on their first day of school. We are talking about femininity. We are talking about female attitude and aptitude. We are talking about how to enter a room and have every eye on you and not loose your composure. We are not talking about feminism, sexism or manipulation. We are talking about devoushkism. We are talking about being a real woman in a hard world. We are talking about cooking breakfast in the morning, getting your hair done in the afternoon and giving your PhD dissertation in the evening. We are talking about real women who can handle real men. We are talking about devoushki.

Letters To My Friend

noreply@blogger.com (Elena) — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 20:33:00 +0000

Dear Padrooga,

Aunt Mila has been visiting us. She is doing well and sends her love. Yesterday I helped clean out her closet in our flat where she keeps some of her clothes when she comes to visit Kyiv. She wanted to throw out a pair of red stiletto boots! Can you imagine? I convinced her to keep them. You never know when you need a pair of red stiletto boots!

Misha came over later and was quite tame after his demanding to come over the night before. When rain clouds threatened the sky, he got nervous and said he needed to go as he had no umbrella. I think he wanted to go home and call that Nastya. She called him on his mobile when he was with me and I could hear her whining to him. He told her he was with me and to call back later. I'm sure she is fuming.

Ce la vie!

Kisses,
Elena

Letters To My Friend

noreply@blogger.com (Elena) — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 14:01:00 +0000

Dearest Padrooga,

I apologize for the long time that has passed since I have last written you. I promise that I will write more often and I've started this blog just so you can read my letters to you and keep up with my life in Kyiv. Life has changed so much here and I just don't want you to feel left out.

My new job as a fashion stylist is going well. I love working with my new boss. His name is John and he is British. Everyone is very jealous of me now. He is tall, dark and handsome and has a foreign passport to boot. I unfortunately have no desire to make my way to London at this time and consider him just a boss. I am way too involved with Yuri and Misha to even consider adding another man to my list. They are both enough for me at this time.

I do have to say that working with a foreign boss has it's benefits. Both Yuri and Misha have become more protective and breath out fire and sparks when I mention him in conversations. Only today Misha called and when I told him I was in a meeting with John he demanded to know what time I was going to bed and told me he would be over to visit me after he got off work. Like I would let him in my flat after 9:30pm with my neighbor practically living on the landing watching everyone come and go all the time! He's a tease!

Kisses,
Elena